On Bianca's Storyline

(Brian Frons is the Head of ABC Daytime)

Phone rings

Jill: Hello

Megan: Wazzup!

Jill: Megan? Are you calling from 1999?

Megan: I'm writing some of Reggie's dialogue.

Jill: Aiight.

Megan: Aiight. What's up?

Jill: Nothing much. Having a muffin.

Megan: You been watching?

Jill: Umm, sure.

Megan: We raped a lesbian!

Jill: Huh?

Megan: Bianca. Michael raped her. And now she's pregnant.

Jill: Oh my God! It's the dream!

Megan: I know. How long have I been talking about this?

Jill: Forever. Well, ever since we saw Personal Best.

Megan: Yeah. It's great. He's a total freaking psycho.

Jill: When does he try to blow up the town?

Megan: Yeah, don't bring that up. Fronzie said no.

Jill: That sucks. But she's pregnant?

Megan: Yeah. Just like Erica was. I'm all about dramatic coincidence.

Jill: But what are you doing with Michael? Are you going to redeem him.

Megan: We talked about that. But instead I've decided to have him murdered. Except we don’t know that he's murdered, we just got to see the entire town brandishing weapons on Friday and he was gone on Monday. It's a mystery.

Jill: Ooh, you do love your mysteries. Who did it?

Megan: I have no idea. We're just going to play it out as long as we can and then as soon as someone's contract negations go sour, we'll figure out how they could have done it. Or we'll just make Lena do it, because no one likes her.

Jill: Really, I heard she was immensely popular.

Megan: Oh, really? Huh. That's interesting. No matter. The audience doesn't know what it wants.

Jill: Tell me about it. The audience is stupid. They'll watch what we tell them to watch.

Megan: Exactly.

Jill: What else are you up to?

Megan: Well, you've heard about the Sexiest Man Alive contest, right?

Jill: Sure. I hear they're sexy.

Megan:Very.

Jill: Can they act?

(Long pause)

Jill and Megan:Bwa hah hah.

Megan: Girl, you funny.

Jill: Thank you. No one ever gets my humor. So, what else are you up to? You watching Queer Eye?

Megan: Sure. We're trying to bring the Fab Five in to do a makeover on Tad. But we may only be able to get Jai.

Jill: What does he do again?

Megan: No one knows.

Jill: Isn't Tad over 25? What did Frons say.

Megan: He can be front burner for no more 32 minutes per week for no more than two consecutive weeks.

Jill: Frons knows best.

Megan: You and Bob and Chuck getting along?

Jill: We have good days. We were getting along great there when Carly was screaming.

Megan: Well, then, keep her screaming.

Jill: That's the plan. And we may have good news here soon. You might not be the only one finally getting what she wants.

Megan: Seriously? Alexis.

Jill: Uh-huh.

Megan: She's going crazy?

Jill: We're talking about it.

Megan: Totally batshit? Not the half-assed shit they did with Laura?

Jill: Yup.

Megan: That's so great!

Jill: I know.

Megan: You know what we're doing?

Jill: What?

Megan: We're living the dream.

Jill: We really, really are.

Back to the Sessions