September 5, 2002

An open letter to the Executive Producer of One Life to Live.

Dear Mr. Tomlin,

When you were handed the reins of One Life to Live two years ago, no one would have blamed you for making a face like you smelled rotting carpet then handing them immediately back. The show was an absolute shambles. Nora’s kidnapping at the hands of Colin and Lindsay had dragged on for what felt like years. Viki, the show’s heroine, was stuck in a stupid plot involving a suddenly psychotic female mob boss. And the characters of Max and Blair had been decimated by one ill-conceived lie after another. Looking at the show now, it’s certainly in a lot better shape than it was when Jill Farren Phelps and Megan McTavish were sent to decimate General Hospital.

But that’s not good enough.

The show is still a mess. Granted, it’s a much more light-hearted and entertaining mess, but it’s still cluttered and uneven. And most dangerous, it’s often boring. There is potential for great story and rich humor among the denizens of Llanview, but you and your writers have barely begun to tap the resource. First, though, here’s what’s good.

The marriage of Roxy and Max is a comic bonanza. The recent scene in which Roxy, stack of Pringles in hand, declared that she would make Max love her, as God as her witness, was a hoot. Ilene Kristen sold it when she crushed the chips like Scarlett clutching the sod at Tara. And the story has finally given James DePaiva the comedy he is best suited for. I would love to see this story turn into a real romance. Or, better yet, have Roxy be the one who falls for someone else.

Ben’s exit was very well done. A long-term coma is the smartest way to send a character off when the actor is starring in a new fall series. Odds are the show will tank and Ben has a built in story to return to. Now, since I love Bonnie Hunt, I’m hoping the show works, but it’s on ABC, so I’m sure we’ll see Ben back in Viki’s arms soon enough. Either way, a good story is in place.

Melissa Archer continues to light up the screen as Natalie Buchanan. And she may well be the first actress who generates actual chemistry with David Fumero’s Cristian. The boy is hot, but all of his previous love stories have been boring as sin. And, in the cold front in Hell category, Jennifer’s turn from good girl to raging loon has opened up Jessica Morris’ emotions and made many of her scenes a hoot. She still needs acting lessons and it doesn’t make up for two years of non-stop, front-burner simpering, but it’s certainly an improvement. Also, Kristen Alderson’s Starr is a constant delight. Thanks for giving her that 5 year contract.

And, finally, Catherine Hickland continues to make me squeal like a little girl as she tells people she’s been pardoned. Lindsay does not deserve the pardon in any way, shape, or form, but having Hickland back among the citizens of Llanview is rife with possibilities.

So, that’s the good. Here’s what’s not working. The island? Dear God in Heaven, what were you thinking? None of this action has any real impact on the rest of the town. I don’t know Ross and I’d almost forgotten Tea. Todd, on the other hand, may well be destroyed as a character. Much of the audience may have finally forgiven him for raping Marty and killing Suede…and hitting Tea…and faking DID and countless other, lesser, crimes. But to take Blair’s baby and tell her it had died? Why am I to care if he ever gets off the damn island? Plus, all of Tea’s “I love Todd, I hate Todd” agita was growing thin in 1998, when she wasn’t shrieking like a banshee over the crashing surf. I’m not even going into the wardrobe issues.

Niki was with us far too long and the secret she was hiding is still unrevealed. Erika Slezak was obviously having fun flying up in the rafters, but after the excitement of Live Week, the audience expected a resolution to the Niki mess, not four more months of everyone in town being stupid. And, here’s a lesson. If you’re going to trot out the alters, Jean must make an appearance. We love Jean. Niki? Not so much.

Rex, Seth and Chad are all pretty, but they have no purpose. Now that you have refuted the rumors of a Rex and Seth love connection, I have no idea why the character of Rex was brought in. John Paul Lavosier is a very pretty young man. As is Teddy Sears as Chad. But if there’s no point to the character, there’s no point to the character. And the continued presence of Shawna and Mollie is not appreciated. We don’t care about any of these people. Meanwhile, Jessica has very little to do. Yes, I mean Seth is "very little".

Robert S. Woods and Fiona Hutchinson have a surprising chemistry as Gabrielle and Bo. Why aren’t they ever on together anymore? I liked the way they were inching towards each other there for a while. Give us more of that. And tie it into the larger stories.

Some couples have chemistry, others do not. Nora and Troy do not. Ty Treadway and Catherine Hickland do have chemistry, however. And a Nora/Bo/Gabs triangle might be fun. And now that we can all sketch Mr. Treadway’s nipples from memory in our sleep, it is no longer necessary to continue to find reasons for him to appear sans shirt. He’s hot. We got it. Move on.

I haven’t even touched on the nap-inducing aspects of the Keri/Antonio romance, crazy, stalker Al or the Asa/Rae marriage. Each of these stories has potential but isn’t really exciting me right now. Maybe once Viki returns and really starts laying it into Gretel, I’ll be excited.

So, while the show may not be completely broken, it is in dire need of a tune up. First order of business should be to dump the island mess. Get Todd back to Llanview or stuck at the bottom of the sea, just get him somewhere else.

Second, Mr. Tomlin, make up your mind about Rex. If he’s just another heterosexual man-ho, we don’t need him. If he’s a not-so-much heterosexual man-ho, well then you’ve got a story, especially if he goes after his sister’s guy.

Third, get the secret out on Erika Slezak’s first day back. Make it big. Send Niki away for at least 10 years.

Fourth, RJ and Lindsay are hot together. Robin Strasser’s Dorian is desperately needed in town. And a gay couple on daytime is not going to repel viewers. It will lure them. Trust me. If the network has a problem with any of that, tell then to spend a little time on the Internet.

The most important action the writers and producers need to take, however, is to give a look at the long term story. For the past year, all of the big reveals and actions have happened in clumps, usually sweeps weeks, but not always. These were followed by long periods of the doldrums. Spread the wealth and give us a reason to watch every day, even if it’s just a scene between Max and Roxy. All the ingredients for a great soap are present in Llanview right now. And the enormous creative success of Live Week showed that there’s talent in the producer’s chair. Now, prove it.

Sincerely,

Mark

P.S. If the sheer joy of art isn’t enough, Gary, just think about how pissed Phelps was when you won that Emmy. Don’t you want to see her squirm like that again? I certainly do.