Kiefer Sutherland

Name: Kiefer Sutherland
Nickname(s): GoldenBoy, Billy
Why He’s a Boyfriend: Look at him. Just look how very oddly cute he is. Now, love him.
Best Features: Blue/Green Eyes, mile-long eyelashes, VelvetyWhisper, Golden hair (and I’m not just talkin’ about the kind on his head)
Things you must see him in: 24 (duh). As former Special Agent Jack Bauer, he’s recently run out of gum and all he’s doing now is kicking serious ass; boxer shorts.
Piece of work you must run screaming from: Although he has one of the scariest resumes in Hollywood, I a have to go with Woman Wanted as the movie that traumatized me the most. Just stay away. Unless of course you're in to seeing Michael Moriarty and Holly Hunter get it on.
What made me first love him: His Golden Globe win. Mmm…power. It looks good on ya!
What makes us perfect for each other: I’ve seen 30+ of the most asstacular films around, so I’m devoted. Isn't that enough?
Why we probably wouldn’t work out: Aside from our blissful life together getting constantly sabotaged by a legion of Kieferettes, he’s frequently caught by the tabs three sheets (at least) to the wind in the parking lot of some trendy LA (Vancouver, Toronto, Seattle, NYC) bar. Putting up with his (allegedly) drunken ass – even though it is a fine little ass – would get old PDQ. And then there’s the whole weird estranged wife reunion business. Yeah, that’ll last…

Newsflash: (2-15-03)I spent an entire Saturday evening traipsing around Seattle, trying to meet Kiefer. He was in town for the Microsoft Hockey Challenge to benefit the Ronald McDonald House (how big a pad does that damn clown need, anyway?!)
He played, even though reports had been he was sitting this one out due to a bum knee. But he vanished before the third period, never to return. Well, despite being armed with knowledge of his itinerary (never you mind how I acquired that) and the best friend a Corral keeper can ask for (she actually asked the hostess at a restaurant if, “Mr. Sutherland’s party had been seated.” The poor girl didn’t even register who she was talking about! How I envy her ignorance!) So, Kiefer skunked us. Even with a gimped out leg he eluded us. Slippery, elusive little Golden Boyfriend. Just wait until next year.