My friend Lois Lane is big with the celebrity crushes so I'm giving her a forum to share who she's into, who she's falling out of love with and which former famous boyfriends just need to be put down.
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In the Corral
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New to the Corral
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Quarantined
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Out to Pasture
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Ghost
Riders |
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Joaquin Phoenix January 2005 Name: Joaquin Phoenix Nicknames: Joaq, Kitten, Leaf Best Fansite(s): JoaquinPhoenix.net Why He’s a Boyfriend: Joaquin has been stuck in the Holding Pen for far too long. I put him there originally for no good reason, and that left the poor dear feeling terribly vexed. Lately he has pretty much busted down all the fences to get into the Corral, leaving me no choice. So, throw on a nice white undershirt and saunter on in, sweet cheeks. Best Features: It’s really a toss up between those green eyes and that scar on his lip. I don’t think a scar has ever, in the history of scars, looked so cute and lickable. Yes, that’s right, I said lickable. Things You Must See Him In: When doing my research I realized I’ve seen all but about four of Joaquin’s movies, and that was before he was even a Boyfriend. He is one of, if not the best, actor of his generation. His gift for portraying characters with sensitivity and utter believability is nothing short of breathtaking. Even in a stinky movie he magnetic and mesmerizing. If pinned down (preferably by Joaquin) I would name Signs as my favorite movie to watch him in, because he gets to be all cute and sweet. And I love me some cute and sweet now and then. While Mark will balk, I also have to recommend Gladiator for is intense, manic performance. Nobody plays “vexed” like him. [Least. Deserved. Nomination. Ever. - Mark] Piece of Work You Must Run Screaming From – Because I Didn’t: For once, this isn’t the easiest thing to name. A major element to for me to qualify a dude for Boyfriend status is to watch as many movies in a boy’s filmography as I can get my mitts on. This is usually an exercise in masochism (I’m looking at you Kiefer and Caruso). In this case I can say that Joaquin’s performance has made every movie he’s in worth watching, even though he’s made some “blah” stuff. If a Joaq movie is bad, it is usually the fault of some other annoying actor. Take, for example, Quills. We innocent viewers are subjected to seeing Geoffrey Rush’s area. Even as angelic as Joaquin looks in that movie, the Rush location is too much to bear…and not in a good way. Then there is Ladder 49, a movie loaded with Joaquin being all adorable and heroic. Then along comes John Travolta, stinkin’ it up with his bad and over-mannered acting to ruin the whole hokey affair. Poor Kitten. What Made Me First Love Him: His heart wrenching performance in Return to Paradise made me take my first real notice of him. Then his turn in Gladiator just curled my toes. Yes, I know, he’s a creep of epic proportions as Commodus. But he was a hot, hot, vexed creep. What Makes Us Perfect for Each Other: We are both vegetarians. Hey, it’s an angle I’m willing to play up. Why We Probably Wouldn’t
Work Out: Actually, he’s a vegan. I just can’t
give up cheese, even for him. Although he does seem like a very
understanding guy. So, really, I can’t think of a ding dang
reason he and I shouldn’t be perfectly happy together.
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Opinions
expressed in Lois Lane's Imaginary Celebrity Boyfriend Corral are
solely those of Lois Lane and do not reflect those of Bad Tiki or
its owner. Lois Lane is not a professional celebrity stalker, she
is just an enthusiastic young woman with internet access and occasionally
dubious taste in men. |
