Bad Tiki - Lois Lane's Imaginary Celebrity Boyfriend Corral

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My friend Lois Lane is big with the celebrity crushes so I'm giving her a forum to share who she's into, who she's falling out of love with and which former famous boyfriends just need to be put down.


In the Corral	New to the Corral	Quarantined	Out to Pasture	Ghost Riders

David Caruso

Many of you will be pleased that the Caruso is now officially in Quarantine. This for the health and credibility of the Corral, and has been a long time coming. I maintain that he was cute and good on NYPD Blue. But, that was a long time ago. CSI Miami sucks so profoundly that he's just annoying now.

There, I did it. Get off my back now. Sheesh!

Name: David Caruso
Nickname: The Caruso
Why he's a boyfriend: He's just so damn cool. No, hear me out on this one. Got a good voice. Owns every scene he's in. Can point at a guy and tell him to shut up better than anyone. Plus, I'm diggin' the red hair.
Best Features: Well, and this is my major beef with boyfriend # 4, he was way cute as the nice guy John Kelly in NYPD Blue. His eyes were cute and blue and flanked with long lashes, he had the cute NY accent, he showed us his butt (what theme are you talking about?)
Now, it's the voice.
Things you must see him in: His fleeting NYPD Blue stint (especially the scenes of him with Sherri Stringfield); Proof of Life (because he steals his scenes); and CSI: Miami (mainly for his adorable scenes with the fabulous Emily Procter).
Piece of work you must run screaming from: It begins and ends with Jade. [Only one? But the man has made a career out of crap. - Mark]
What made me first love him: He caught my eye when I watched the pilot of CSI: Miami while suffering a sinus infection-induced fever. Yeah, relationships have had weirder beginnings.
What makes us perfect for each other: Contrary to any other boyfriend that will ever be in my corral of boys, I don't really see David and I working out [Damn, I had that wedding gift all picked out - Mark]. It is more of an admiration thing. And a desire for him to stop by and whisper in my ear every now and then.
Why we probably wouldn't work out: He's kinda weird. And he tends to refer to past roles as "A good piece of footage". What the hell's up with that? Plus, I am still miffed at him for not sticking with the TV gig and exploiting his primo Mr. SexyPants days.

Opinions expressed in Lois Lane's Imaginary Celebrity Boyfriend Corral are solely those of Lois Lane and do not reflect those of Bad Tiki or its owner. Lois Lane is not a professional celebrity stalker, she is just an enthusiastic young woman with internet access and occasionally dubious taste in men.

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