When I launched this site back in September, I e-mailed Sars for some advice and she told me that one key to attracting people to the site and make sure they stayed here was to have a lot of content in the archives. That's why you can find my previous Best of Television entries for the past 4 years. (And also why the phrase "David E. Kelley…has a firm grip on the zeitgeist" still appears on this site. Feel free to mock me. Everyone does).

So, this is the Fifth Annual Best in Television column. It's an anniversary ending in zero or five, so I'll try to make it extra special. Perhaps I will have the winners of the past five years stand on stage looking bored for twenty minutes. Or get Liza to do a dance number celebrating the invention of the laugh track. Or, maybe I'll just say lots of snarky things about Michelle Pfeiffer's husband to make up for what we now refer to as The Zeitgeist Incident. Yeah, I like the last one. There's less chance of David Gest appearing with the last one.

And one last note before we begin. I do not have cable. I do not have HBO. Therefore, I have not seen The Sopranos. Because I have always enjoyed the show and found it to be of very high quality, I bestow upon it the First Annual Show Mark Hasn't Seen But Hears Is Really Good Award of Merit™.

1. The Amazing Race

I never thought I'd put a reality show at the top of my list (let alone in a list that featured two entries from the despised genre), but the truth is, this show has me hooked. Most reality shows try to be "about" something, either finding a man, landing a man, finding and landing a rich man or sitting around eating rice and bitching about a monkey. This show is about a race. When contestants say "It's a game" they mean it. It makes no pretension about being about the nature of anything. It's a competition, and a damn good one at that. Ian, who looks like Pete Postlethwaite's evil older brother, is turning into the most snarlingly hateful villain in years. He's even more hateful than Wil, last season's pseudo-hippie with anger-management issues. And the teams we get to root for, like the current wacky brothers, Ken and Gerard, or the fabulous Danny and Oswald make every week a treat. Smart editing and creative writing make this the best reality on right now. Host Phil Keoghan, who is smart, non-intrusive and smoking hot, makes it the best show period.

2. Six Feet Under

A lot has been written about this show since it premiered, especially after it swept the Emmy nominations. Many people compared it unfavorable to The Sopranos, saying that it was too arch or too soapy. It's both, and that's why I love it. By delving into death every week, Alan Ball and his writers give us things to question while also making us laugh or scream at our television. Nate and Brenda's prolonged break-up had an incredible pay-off with one of the most intense verbal fights I've ever witnessed. Lauren Ambrose is finally being recognized for the talent she is, and those of us who loved her in Can't Hardly Wait are very happy about that. The rest of the cast, with special mention of Frances Conroy, are uniformly brilliant. And that open title sequence is beautiful.

3. Alias

When JJ Abrahms had his storied epiphany in the middle of a Felicity writers meeting that it would be great if the curly-tressed co-ed were also a spy, he was probably laughed out of the room. As well he should have been. I don't think Keri Russell could pull off an ass-kicking with 10% of the verve Jennifer Garner throws into it. And I love Keri Russell. The show is an adrenaline rush, pure and simple. But it's in the quiet moments between father (Victor Garber) and daughter or Sydney and her creepily evil boss (Ron Rifkin) that makes the show shine. Abrahms has wisely moved Bradley Cooper's Will into Sydney's spy world and thus made the character interesting again. And I think everyone should have their own babbling techno-geek like Marshall.

4. The Osbournes

Yeah, yeah, I know, this is supposed to be the beginning of the backlash. Sharon and Ozzy got too big and it's up to us internet snarkers to take them down a peg. Not gonna do it. I love this show. It manages to be tender and touching and laugh out loud funny at the same time. That's nearly impossible for a scripted sitcom, let alone a reality-based one. For that, the credit goes to the writers, producers and editors. And the dogs. In the end, it's all about the dogs.

5. 24

For a show told in real time, this show sure moves at a fast clip, especially in the scenes with Keifer Sutherland's Jack. In some episodes, only in scenes with Jack. the Kim plot is becoming laughable. Why did Miguel suddenly know Kung-Fu? Is he going to turn out to be part of Project Christmas or something? (I know, wrong show.) And the Palmer plot is really only interesting in scenes with Penny Johnson Jerald or Michelle Forbes. But Keifer. Keifer makes it happen. And no other show on network television would have the guts to kill the main character's pregnant wife in the season finale. The fact that such a horrific event worked dramatically is a miracle. And in its second season, now that we know anything is possible, the writers have a major challenge in still surprising us. So far, they are succeeding. I did not expect that building to actually blow up. For that, and for indelibly altering the phrase "I'm gonna need a hacksaw", this show makes the list.

6. Gilmore Girls

There is such a thing as too quirky (ask the residents of Everwood) and in this third season, the residents of Stars Hollow are edging ever closer. Still, this is a place I want to spend an hour in every week. The supporting characters are all still a joy to watch, especially Lane (Keiko Agena) and Paris (Liza Weil). The relationship between Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and her parents (Kelly Bishop and Edward Herrmann) continues to fascinate and Alexis Bledel's Rory is still the most fully realized teenager on TV who doesn't routinely interact with stakes. Just, you know, lay off the obscure rock musicreferences. We get it, Daniel Paladino, we really, really do. And don’t think the lack of Bootsy this season hasn’t gone unappreciated.

7. The West Wing

Um, yeah. I still love this show. I know. I know. The love, it's really just about Donna now. And CJ. Oh, and Charlie. Leo, too. And Jed and Toby and the new guy. And Sam. And Abby and Fitz and Nancy and Ed and Larry. Not Amy, though. Definitely don't love Amy. Or the stories, or the continued use of the phrase "I'm sorry" to force a character to restate something the idiots at home might have missed because we were too busy chain-smoking Parliaments in our mumus or debating the intricacies of Romulan/Cardassian sex. Because that's all we do, us "fans". Shut up, Aaron Sorkin. I think I liked it better when you were loaded. I still like the show, though. I just don’t love it anymore.

8. Undeclared

Yes, there were only like four episodes of this show aired in 2002. I don't care, one of them featured Amy Poehler AND a wet Charlie Hunnam. And they were all hysterical. Damn you, Fox. Damn you to Hell.

9. The Simpsons

Now and forever.

10. Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Yeah, so this is punishment. Buffy usually hovers around the top three spots, but I'm demoting it this year to make a point. It's like that C is Shop that haunts the Valedictorian. This just wasn't its year. Don't get me wrong. The end of last season, including Tara's tragic death and Willow's turn to darkness was good television. And this season is shaping up to be an intense and enjoyable ride. (I especially loved the Anya-centric episode, "Selfless"). But for all of that, we still had graphic scenes of Buffy/Spike sex, the almost laughable way Willow's "magic addiction" was treated and "Doublemeat Palace". Yes, some people found the episode delightfully droll. I did not. I don’t understand why the demon coming out of the old lady's head needed a visible urethra and a circumcision scar.

Worst in TV 2002

My list from last year: David E. Kelley, Dawson's Creek, Reality Rip-Offs and General Hospital.

This year, they've only gotten worse.

David E. Kelley

When exactly did Boston Public become a show about cops and lawyers? As much as I respect this cast (former Kids on the Block excepted) I hate all of these characters. And The Practice has become so over-blown and over-plotted I can’t even watch it anymore. Also, can we cancel Ally McBeal again, because that sure was fun. And girls club? Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

Dawson’s Creek

There is only one reason for my continued viewership of Dawson's Creek. I hate myself. A lot. And could Katie Holmes please give the It back, because she's not using it right.

Reality Matchmaking

This year, the following horrifying phrases have been entered into our pop-culture lexicon: "The Rose Ceremony" (The Bachelor), "Men on Ice" (Bachelorettes in Alaska) and "Ejay Day" (American Idol, a show I loved for the sheer joy of it's awfulness). And this latest bunch of Survivors may be the most boring group of people I've ever encountered, and I've been temping for five years. I miss the days when any comic with a gimmick could get his own sitcom and Aaron Spelling still turned out shows like Finder of Lost Loves. Hell, Aaron Buerge makes me miss Pink Lady. Jeff, not so much.

General Hospital

I'll dive into this more in my next soap column, but this show still sucks. It sucks in completely new ways, but it still sucks. Hard.

And now, in honor of the 5th Anniversary of this list, I introduce the Janice Awards.

Best Actor, Drama Series
Peter Krause, Six Feet Under

Best Actress, Drama Series
Sarah Michelle Gellar, Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Best Supporting Actor, Drama Series
Victor Garber, Alias

Best Supporting Actress, Drama Series
Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under

Best Writing, Drama Series
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Best Actor, Comedy Series
Matt LeBlanc, Friends

Best Actress, Comedy Series
Lauren Graham, Gilmore Girls

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
John C. McGinley, Scrubs

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
Kelly Bishop, Gilmore Girls

Best Writing, Comedy Series
Scrubs

Best New Series
Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Worst Decision Made by Fox Executives
Canceling Undeclared and putting Firefly on hiatus.

Best Decision Made by Fox Executives
Canceling Ally McBeal and The X-Files.

The Fox Executive Memorial " I Fear For This Nation" Award
That girl who cried when The Bachelor didn’t pick her. What, there were more than one? Dear Lord.

Biggest Weekly Sartorial Disasters
The ladies of Charmed. Alyssa Milano had an extraneous sleeve one week. A whole extra sleeve.

Biggest Weekly Sartorial Disasters (Headwear division)
Ian, The Amazing Race. Please, do join the French Foreign Legion. Teri will be delighted to be rid of you.

Best Episode of girls club.
The second one. No the first one. It's so tough to decide.

Best Actress in a Sorry Show
Sarah Rue, Less Than Perfect. Dude, she is so not fat. Can it with the jokes.

Best Actress with the Worst Character
Mary Louise Parker, The West Wing.

Favorite New Character
Edna (Debra Mooney), Everwood