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Week of September 21, 2003

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From Here to Maternity. After their ship-bound wedding ceremony, Prince Charlie and Lola Charlie Hunnam and Charo)are surprised to find themselves washed ashore on a deserted island. After finally consumating their marriage in the crashing surf, the two flag down a passing oil tanker. But when the ship’s captain (Conchatta Ferrell) fails to believe their identities, the prince finds himself swabbing the deck while Lola entertains the lonely, all-female crew. Meanwhile, back at the Palace. The Queen (Maggie Smith) prepares for the worst, summoning Charlie’s brother Philip (Guest star Daniel Radcliffe) home from school. But when he shows up and tells Her Majesty and the staff to start referring to him as P-Dawg, all Hell breaks loose. In the end, the family bands together to rescue Charlie and Lola from a life at sea. But once home, Lola has a big surprise for Charlie.

Part One: Monday 8:00/7:00 Central

Part Two: Thursday 9:30/8:30 Central

Reboot. Heartbroken after the system crash that wiped out her boyfriend’s memory, Vicki returns to Seattle swearing off love. But when Sassy and Howard’s fling fails to stay in Vegas, Vicki must help them hide it from an exceedingly jealous Harriet. The episode also resolves whether Jed really did lose the company in a high-stakes poker game.

Monday 8:30/7:30 Central

This Week: The neighborhood pharmacist: Is he a terrorist? Queer Eye’s Carson: Not as gay as he pretends! - the exclusive interview with his eighth- grade girldfriend. BTN gossip maven Wendy goes backstage at the Creative Arts Awards. And in the Dunk Tank, Brian Dunkleman asks, “What is the frequency, Kenneth?"

Monday 9:00/8:00 Central

Episode Guide

Episode Guide

Episode Guide
Texas Two Step. Serendipity’s (Carol Channing) choice is finally revealed as the sophomore college soap begins its season. After taking Josh (Jesse Bradford) on his offer of a road trip, Serendipity’s inflamed rheumatism causes her to take a cruise in the tropics. When she returns to the University of Manhattan, she’s fitter, tanner and she’s brought a friend. Wilford Brimley joins the cast for a six episode stint as Buck Buchanan, a Texas oil baron who throws a wrench in the plans of both Josh and Mordecai (Samm Levine).

Tuesday 8:00/7:00 Central

 Hello and Goodbye. The new season picks up exactly where last season left off. The meeting of Sparkles’ biological parents set off a melee in the waiting room leaving Dr. Gwen’s (Raquel Welch) life in danger. And Drs. DiPesto and Simpkins (Portia DiRossi and Gretchen Mol) were locked in the supply room, discovering a hidden attraction. After the dust settles, the doctors work together to try to save Sparkles’ mother. Unfortunately for the young pooch, his reunion with his long lost father is cut short by rabies. Dr. Gwen announces she is leaving the clinic. In walks Dr. Timothy Swenson (Andrew McCarthy) an old friend of Dr. DiPesto’s and Dr. Ventura’s (Tiffani Thiessen) ex-husband.

Tuesday 9:00/8:00 Central

 Temptations. The second season of the heavenly teenage soap picks up two months after the explosive season finale that saw Lucifer (Ted McGinley) consumed in a ball of fire and Jesus (Seth Green) baptized by guest star J.K. Simmons. Marital tension continues to fester between Joseph and Mary (Tom Wopat and Valerie Bertinelli, replacing a departing Jean Smart) and Jesus’s crush, Maggie (Bianca Kajlich), continues to deal with her loss of sight. When her boyfriend Pontius (Marc Blucas) returns from his summer vacation in Gommorah with so new ideas about their relationship, she turns to Jesus for comfort…and a kiss. Also, Heather Locklear arrives in town as the sexy new Alchemy teacher with a dark secret.

Wednesday 8:00/7:00 Central

Episode Guide

Episode Guide

Episode Guide

Pilot. In a world of violent crime and unspeakable sin, four women have been chosen by the Holy Father to fight the forces of evil using every weapon they can…including themselves. Meet the women of V.I.R.G.I.N. (Vatican International Reverent God-fearing Intelligence Network), Catholic sisters who each week will go deep undercover to stop the wicked agents of S.I.N. (Satanic Intelligence Network). In the pilot, Sister Mary Maria (Lourdes Benedicto) and Sister Mary Tyrone (Brandy Norwood) go undercover as candy-stripers to uncover the secrets of a hospitalized mobster. Meanwhile, Mother Superior (Denise Richards) trains the Man Upstairs' (Voice of Lorenzo Lamas) newest recruit, Sister Mary Katerina (Anna Kournikova).

Wednesday 9:00/8:00 Central

Craftwork. After deciding to take a break due to their interrupted nuptials, Phil and Dottie (Ed Asner and Frances Sternhagen) are dismayed to find themselves trapped together when the activity van breaks down on the way to the mall. Sully and Florence (Abe Vigoda and Phyllis Diller) debate whether to take their relationship to the next level. And everyone is terrified when a high-as-a-kite Nurse Betty (Sally Struthers) is put in charge of their weekly craft lesson. Hot glue has never been so hilarious!

Thursday 8:00/7:00 Central

Pilot. Marcia Cross stars as a suburban housewife Sandra Stillson, a mom to three and the host to 47 distinct personalities. In the pilot, it's a dinner party from Hell when Sandra's personality Shanequa, a saucy black prostitute, emerges, the kids struggle to keep her from performing her famous "fan dance" for Dick's (Doug Savant) very gay boss (Terry Kiser).

Thursday 8:30/7:30 Central

Episode Guide

Episode Guide

Episode Guide
Pilot. In this spin-off of Seventh Heaven, Matt and Mary Camden (Barry Watson and Jessica Biel) relocate to San Francisco. After securing an apartment with a non-refundable deposit they discover they are living smackdab in the center of the known gay universe, The Castro. After learning a valuable lesson when he decides to wear a yellow bandana in his right back pocket, Matt makes friend with his new neighbor, Jorge (Chris Kattan) Meanwhile, Mary goes out to find someplace to contemplate drinking a beer and finds herself confused and excited by guest star Jaime Pressly.

Thursday 9:00/8:00 Central

It's My Party starring Mindy Cohn and Wendie Jo Sperber will premiere next week so we may bring you both parts of H.R.H. Hoochie Coochie's season premiere.

Thursday 9:30/8:30 Central

 T. and Sympathy

(2003) When his grandmother dies, Tyrel (Mr. T) agrees to take over her world-famous advice column and become the new “Auntie Lyla”. While his editor Lisa (Tyra Banks) worries that his gruff style will alienate longtime readers, his take no prisoners approach earns him a boatload of new fans. While his style and his catchphrase “Suck it up, fool” starts sweeping the nation, Tyrel sets about trying to sweep Lisa off her feet. But when the nose copy editor (Dylan Baker) tries to expose him as a fraud and take Lisa for himself, only a little violence can save the day.

Saturday 8:00/7:00 Central