Week of May 18, 2003

Looking for a television network that specializes in high-concept vehicles for washed up actors? Where no premise is too asinine? Where no actor is too difficult or "crazy"? Well, you've found it. Welcome to the Bad Tiki Network.

Here's what we have in store for you this week. Click on the show title to see the ad. And look for some new shows soon.

The Other Cheek. As Jesus (Seth Green) tries to explain to his parents why he wants to be baptized, Maggie (Bianca Kajlich) worries about being stoned to death when Pontius (Marc Blucas) brags of their exploits to the goat head polo team. Joseph (Tom Wopat) asks Mary (Jean Smart) to marry him all over again. And Judas (Timm Sharp) tries to get Jesus to ask his other Dad to create Judas a girlfriend. But when Lucifer (Ted McGinley) finally reveals himself to Jesus, the stage is set for a major battle.

 

 

Always a Bridesmaid. With only two episodes left, Danny and Dave (Hal Sparks and Kerr Smith) face life-altering decisions. While Dave decides whether to confess his feelings to Danny, Danny's bride-to-be (Busy Phillips) turns into a bridezilla, making everyone's life Hell. Meanwhile, when Lenny (Harvey Fierstein) accompanies Danny to the tux shop, he finds the last thing he expected: true love.

The Love Ship, Part One. Lola (Charo) runs into some old friends as she and Damien (Clive Owen) set sail on the Pacific Princess. While Lola charms the chips captain (Guest Star Gavin McLeod), Damien's eyes wander toward the comely Activities Director (Lauren Tewes). Stowaway Prince Charlie (Charlie Hunnam) seeks romantic advice from the jive-talking bartender (Ted Lange). Little does Charlie know that his old nemesis the tabloid reporter (Simon Cowell) is on board, too, and he knows a secret about Charlie and Lola's nuptials that could change everything. Concludes next week.

Dogfight, Part One. In the first of a two-part season finale, Sparkles finds his Mother working as a sled dog in Nome, Alaska but finds she doesn't recognize him due to a bad case of distemper. As he and Dr. DiPesto (Portia DiRossi) struggle to bring the sick pooch to Boston, Dr. Ventura (Tiffani Thiessen) unwittingly admits Sparkles deadbeat father. Dr. Gwen (Raquel Welch) finally makes the connection but it may be too late to stop the family reunion from turning into a nightmare.

Vegas, Part One. As everyone converges on Vegas for the Trade Show, Jake (Guest Star Eddie Cahill) and Vicki (Katie Holmes) grow closer. A night of rum and keno leads to a shocking commitment between Harriet (Jenna von Oy) and Howard (Wallace Langham). And when Jed (C. Thomas Howell) loses the company in a poker game to guest star Stephen Root, Sassy (Stacey Dash) and Vicki work fast to turn the tables on the gambler.

 

DeathKill will not be seen tonight so we may bring you "LaToya Jackson: The Bad Tiki Interview" in which the singer talks about her famous face and her new album but fails to mention anyone in her family.

The End, Part One. Phil (Ed Asner) asks Dottie (Frances Sternhagen) to marry him and they discuss leaving Shady Oaks together. Sully decides he must work feverishly to stop the wedding lest he lose both his best friend and the girl he secretly loves. Meanwhile, Nurse Betty struggles to train the new nurse (Guest Star Cheri Oteri) who insists on speaking in rhyme.

Confessions. Trying to keep her drunken exploits a secret, Serendipity agrees to set Steve (Shane West) up on a date with Tertiary Black Character (Elise Neal). But when the two hit it off, she struggles with whether or not to tell her friend the truth. After breaking up with Shanna, Mordecai (Samm Levine) decides to try to win Serendipity back just as Chad (Jesse Bradford) finally gains the courage to tell her he loves her as well.

The Fair Vanities in Murder Most Gauche

(2003) Paris and Nicky Hilton return as hearty-partying, mystery solving sisters. After a revered butler is murdered in an Upper West Side townhouse, the sisters and Uncle Jimmy (Rip Torn) draw up a list of suspects. But all may be lost when the sisters, high on E, stumble into the path of the real killer. Wayne Rogers, Suzanne Pleschette and Kate Mulgrew also star.

 

 


This Week: Tivo: Is it safe? Hugh Jackman talks about his struggle to keep his shirt on. The harrowing story of one man's despair at the cancellation of Dawson's Creek. And in the Dunk Tank: Brian Dunkleman asks: How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?

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