Bad Tiki Network - Weekly Listings

Week of May 11, 2003

Looking for a television network that specializes in high-concept vehicles for washed up actors? Where no premise is too asinine? Where no actor is too difficult or "crazy"? Well, you've found it. Welcome to the Bad Tiki Network.

Here's what we have in store for you this week. Click on the show title to see the ad. And look for some new shows soon.

Sins and Sinners. As Lucifer (Ted McGinley) pulls out all the stops to prevent the Baptism, Judas (Timm Sharp) finds out about Jesus's (Seth Green) Heavenly origins. Joseph and Mary (Tom Wopat and Jean Smart) have an intense discussion about the future of their marriage. And Maggie (Bianca Kajlich) and Pontius (Marc Blucas) commit a mortal sin while on a ski trip.

The Kitten Episode. It looks like the end for Danny and Dave (Hal Sparks and Kerr Smith) when Danny's old girlfriend (Busy Phillips) returns and wants to start again. While Danny decides whether to take her back, Dave begins to come to grips with his own feelings for Danny and confesses everything to his understanding boss (Harvey Fierstein).

Queen of the Kitchen. Still not remembering Charlie's profession of love, Lola (Charo) packs for a two-week cruise with Damien (Clive Owen). But, before she can leave she must help the Queen (Maggie Smith) prepare a romantic meal for Dennis (Derek Jacobi) without the help of servants. While her Highness turns the Palace kitchen into a floury mess, the Prince (Charlie Hunnam) sets a plan in motion to retake Lola's heart on the High Seas.

Monkey Business. Dr. Ventura (Tiffani Thiessen) welcomes an old friend from her University, a cross-dressing Chimpanzee named Barney who knows sign language and only wears Chanel. When she convinces Dr. Gwen (Raquek Welch) to hire Barney as the new receptionist, all Hell breaks loose. Meanwhile, Sparkles receives one final clue to his Mother's identity and sets out with Dr. DiPesto (Portia DiRossi) to solve the mystery.

Falling Bricks. While the staff prepares for a big trade show in Las Vegas, Harriet (Jenna von Oy) cooks up a plan to expose Vicki (Katie Holmes) once and for all that involves a camera crew and the world champion of Tetris (Guest Star Chirs Kattan). Meanwhile, Sassy (Stacey Dash) falls for the new IT guy (Eddie Cahill), but he may have more in common with Vicki than anyone imagined.

DeathKill will not be seen tonight so we may bring you "Bloopers, Blunders and Car Chases 4" hosted by Lisa Ling.

The Beginning. Seth Green and Breckin Meyer guest star as Sully (Abe Vigoda) and Phil (Edward Asner) reminisce about how they first met and their first sweet sweet taste of green heaven. Meanwhile, Dottie (Frances Sternhagen) and Nurse Betty (Sally Struthers) engage in a battle of wills over the wearing of adult diapers.

Party Girls. Having broken up with Mordecai (Samm Levine), Serendipity (Carol Channing) enjoys life as a single girl, accompanying Tertiary Black Character (Elise Neal) and her friends for a night on the town. But when she wakes up in the bed of a frat boy (Shane West), she turns the Walk of Shame into a rousing production number featuring the songs of Rodgers and Hammerstein. Meanwhile, Mordecai (Samm Levine) struggles with his feelins for Serendipity and Shanna (Summer Glau).

A Connecticut Housewife In Puff Daddy's Court

(2003) Michelle Lee stars as a discontent mother of three who, after being struck on the head by a falling at the supermarket, wakes up to find herself a rising hip-hop star. Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott also stars

This Week: Cup holders: Are they safe? Lara Flynn Boyle: My struggle with over-eating. The touching story of a lost hiker and his chipmunk companion. And in the Dunk Tank: Brian Dunkleman asks: Just exactly how dirrty are you, Christina?