Bad Tiki Network - Weekly Listings

Week of October 28, 2002

Looking for a television network that specializes in high-concept vehicles for washed up actors? Where no premise is too asinine? Where no actor is too difficult or "crazy"? Well, you've found it. Welcome to the Bad Tiki Network.

Here's what we have in store for you this week. Click on the show title to see the ad. And look for some new shows soon.

Pilot. On his 16th birthday, Jesus of Nazareth (Seth Green) discovers he is the Son of God. As his parents (Tom Wopat, Jean Smart) struggle to help him come to terms with this knowledge, like any teenage boy, his thoughts turn to the beautiful girl next door (Bianca Kjalich). Will his newfound power, and its encumbent responsibility, cause her to see him in a new light? Or will it send her into the arms of the popular Pontius PIlate (Marc Blucas)? Judas: Timm Sharp.

Kloset Kases . Danny and Dave (Hal Sparks, Kerr Smith) must work fast to prevent the girls next door (Guest stars Amber Benson and China Jesusita Shavers) from finding out about their night of drunken exploration. Their plan involves a night out dancing, a run-in with the first openly gay Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, and the return of Sven, the cross-dressing, illiterate dog walker (Will Ferrell).

The Fleet's In. When the Palace throws a gala for the Royal Navy, Lola runs into an old flame, Rear Admiral Pickering (James Fox). Will the possibility of losing her cause the Prince (Charlie Hunnam) to see her in a new light? Meanwhile, the Queen (Maggie Smith) nearly causes an international incident when she stumbles into an internet chatroom for senior citizen sex kittens.

Mane and Superman. Dr. Torres (Salma Hayeck) is puzzled by the odd behavior of a horse she's treating. Drs. DiPesto and Grainger (Portia DiRossi and Shannen Doherty) come to blows over Sparkles' mounting medical bills. And Dr. Gwen (Racquel Welch) faces a crisis of conscience over her new boyfriend (Michael Nouri) who thinks he's a superhero but is also the best sex of her life. Molly (the Springer Spaniel that plays Sparkles) has been upped to series regular.

Monsoons and Moving Violations. When a monsoon strands them in a posh Fijian hotel, The Lemur and Lica face a crisis in their marriage. But, when one of the guests is murdered, they must put differences aside to suss out the culprit. Meanwhile, Larry must go to court to fight a traffic ticket. All goes well until the judge turns out to be his ex-wife. Rhea Pealman guest stars.

My Girl Likes to Party All the Time. When a famous movie actor (Shemar Moore) is arrested for the murder of cross-dressing prostitute, the sisters (Paris and Nicky Hilton) race to prove his innocence, leading them on a tour of the underside of show business and ultimately implicating a sitting Senator. Rip Torn also stars.

The Kids Are All Right . Sully (Abe Vigoda) is distressed to learn that his grandson (Guest Star Barry Watson) has joined the Young Republicans. Phil and Dottie (Ed Asner and Frances Sternhagen) also face a visit form their kids, who are none to happy about their relationship. Wayne Knight and Brenda Strong also star.

The Broadway Melody of 2002. In an episode marked by many flashbacks and musical interludes, Serendipity (Carol Channing) auditions for a role in the college musical. She remembers back to her days as a young ingenue (Channing also plays her 18 year old self) and the decision that changed her life.

Tearin' Up My Heart: The Justin Timberlake Story

(2002) Ryan Phillippe stars in this tale of the rise of teen pop star Justin Timberlake from his days in the Mickey Mouse Club to his relationship with Britney Spears (Jessica Morris). James Belushi also stars as boy band impressario Lou Perelman

This Week: Answering machines: Are the safe? Colin Farrell: How Irish is too Irish? The harrowing story of a man who lost all the hair on his body to a Juice Tiger. And in The Dunk Tank, Brian Dunkleman asks, what is this thing called love?