So, Anne Geddes and Celine Dion are teaming up on something dubbed “the miracle project” . I would just like to take this time to tell Scott, my family, Lois, Pez and everyone else that I love them. It’s been a nice life and I think that by and large, homo sapiens have been a pretty good species. But, once Dion and Geddes unveil (or unleash) whatever their secret project is, I think it’s safe to say the time for the cockroaches to finally inherit the Earth will be upon us.

“Anne Geddes?” I hear you ask. “The woman who takes the pictures of toddlers dressed as lady bugs? How is she going to bring about the end of the world?” (The evil of Celine Dion is already an accepted fact after her Chrysler-sponsored butchering of “I Drove All Night”). Yes, Ms. Geddes does spend her life taking pictures of babies, which I will admit seems a rather innocuous, if not completely precious way to spend one’s life. But I see something sinister. I think she eats babies. And clearly, she wants all of us to start eating babies. Why else would she spend so much time dressing them up as foodstuffs? Clearly, the woman is unstable. And a millionaire.

But what form will this so-called “Miracle Project” take? Does Celine’s recent relocation to Vegas play any part? Sure, she could be telling the truth that she signed the contract to perfomr in Vegas so she could stay in one place with her new son (and thus keep her from the salivating jaws of Anne Geddes). Or it could be because she wants to be more like Dr. Evil. Here are some of my speculations as to the nature of “The Miracle Project”.

Dion’s husband Rene, who many don’t know is a genius of particle physics, has created some sort of anti-satellite laser that runs on the condensed power of “cute”, of which Geddes is the supplier.

Or, perhaps Rene has harnessed the power of “cute” the same way scientists in the last century harnessed the atom, creating a weapon of unspeakable cruelty which will either detroy all non-Celine life on the planet, or mutate the species, turning all future offspring into adorable crosses between human babies and other animals, fruits, vegetables or insects. Beware the Ladybug Children.

Or, using Dion’s millions, she and Geddes hope to produce a genetically-enhanced race of super-babies who, once they have been turned into an army and taken over the world, will cook up more tender with added nutritional benefits, included the entire RDA of riboflavin.

Perhaps their plans are less overt and more insidious. Using Dion’s voice and Geddes images as well as choreography by Dragon, perhaps they hope to brianwash the public into carrying out some master plan. My guess? Baby-eating. Or electing Rene President.

Maybe my scenarios of world domination are off-base. Perhaps they are just creating some sort of photo essay or calendar featuring Dion and her baby in all sorts of adorable poses. Maybe Celine will be the moon the her little tyke’s sun. Perhaps they will both be dressed as pumpkins, even Rene. Perhaps Celine will just sing a song about babies and Geddes will shoot one dressed as a bunny. Or perhaps the babies will sing along with Celine.

Are you seeing where this is going? That super-weapon isn’t sounding so bad right now.